roger goodell press conference 2014 controversy

Roger Goodell had his press conference on Tuesday, May 20th at the owners meeting in Atlanta. The full transcript is available here. Since Goodell is a former lawyer, it may be hard for the average Joe to understand what the hell he is actually saying. Let me do the translating for you on some key questions asked of Goodell. These are my interpretations of the Commish’s answers to reporter’s questions, not to be taken literally, lest I be sued by the lawyer friends of said Commish.

On whether there have been any developments on discipline for Jim Irsay:

“There have been no charges so until we more information and more facts, we will let it play out a little longer.”

Translation – “We are holding steady on Mr. Irsay, as he is keeping his nose clean. One more fuck up though, and we will treat him like Donald Sterling.”

On whether the league has a comment about a lawsuit filed against the NFL regarding players’ use of painkillers:

“I was only made aware of it just briefly. I do not believe any of our attorneys have had the opportunity to look at it. As you know, I have been in meetings all day.”

Translation – “OMG, another lawsuit, really. So you think we force fed these jocks pain pills? They are grown men, they know what they are taking. They are in pain man! They play football!”

On what he’s learned from the NBA’s handling of Donald Sterling:

“I think they’ve made the right decisions. I salute Adam Silver for being decisive. He made the right statement and he’s doing the right things.”

Translation – “I would have to be an idiot to say anything negative about the punishment of a racist old white guy. I would condone the electrocution of Sterling, if you asked me publicly.”