It’s not been a great past few months for the Florida State Seminoles football team. The team spent last year dodging toxic headlines about Jameis Winston then went on to get completely embarrassed by Oregon in the college football playoff. Winston was made to look a fool on the field in that game, which matched his antics in regular society. The offseason has been no better as the Seminoles have managed to stay in the news for all the wrong reasons. QB De’Andre Johnson was accused of punching a woman at a bar, then the video surfaced to make it official….he punched a woman in a bar. Then for good measure running back Dalvin Cook allegedly punched a 21-year-old woman in the face numerous times outside a Tallahassee bar.
We all know that college athletes are not angels. They are not recruited for their ability to move smoothly through society. They get recruited for their ability to run smoothly through the line of scrimmage or shoot long range three pointers. However, Florida State’s football team is going well beyond the anti-choir boy status. These players appear to be attempting to break into prison long before their college eligibility runs out.
Seminoles head coach Jimbo Fisher sees a pattern….after two years of chaos off the field, so he is trying to make his players understand the importance of staying on the right side of the law. “We spend a good deal of time educating our student-athletes about appropriate behavior and their responsibilities as representatives of Florida State. The majority of our players are exemplary, but clearly we must place an even stronger emphasis on this, and I personally promise we will,” Fisher stated.
Coach Fisher has a lot on his plate at the moment so I thought I might pitch in and help his Seminoles get back on track. FSU is in need of some outside the box thinking. I am afraid there won’t be enough players left to actually compete come fall, so drastic changes need to be made immediately. Here’s ten ways FSU can get a handle on its football team before something terrible happens…again.
- Fisher has got to recruit higher character guys! That was a joke. Do you know how much money Jimbo makes each year? About $5 million, so he can’t risk missing out on the best athletes just to bring in guys that are less likely to chain pitbull puppies together or hit females in the face. Just think about Fisher’s family. They are accustomed to a certain lifestyle and that shouldn’t change just because some of his players are prone to thuggish behavior. You have to roll the dice on a few guys to get the best of the best….on the field.
- It may be best to go ahead and put the football team on prison work detail on the weekends. That way they will be too tired to go out to bars at night and they can build up some “time served” for their eventual arrival at the pokey after their football career
- Free weed for the team would go a long way in calming these violent players when they are in public. I think society is better off with a high Seminole than an angry one at a bar.
- Coach Fisher could draw up a special play for his guys to remember when they are in close proximity to women. “Lazer 5 Right Walkout 22,” could be a simple play designed to make the guys walk away when they are tempted to throw a haymaker at a lady.
- I don’t know if a “Scared Straight” program would help these college aged men. A more extreme version might be necessary. Maybe an example could be made of the next player to be charged with a crime. Tossing the player in the cell with a serial killer on death row for a few hours and showing the footage in the film room should do the trick.
- Nightly phone calls from players’ moms to let mama remind the guys not to break the law and to treat females with the same respect they would show the woman who gave birth to these players. A personal visit for a smack to the head may be necessary on occasion as well.
- Special needs dogs could be appointed to each Seminole football player and trained to bite and restrain the player if it becomes apparent they are about to do harm in any way to a woman. These players truly have special needs. That much is obvious by now.
- While Coach Fisher has banned his players from visiting bars after this latest alleged woman beating incident, it might be better to just put the team on house arrest. They have everything they need in their dorm rooms and at the practice facilities, so there is no good reason to go anywhere. They could take classes online, which would also serve to free up a seat for a student that might actually be there for an education
- Coach Fisher needs a more authoritative name. “Jimbo” isn’t striking fear in anyone apparently. Maybe if the team was being coached by Ronnie Fisher or Alonzo Fisher, these wayward players would think better of disobeying their leader.
- The best thing for everyone in Seminole nation would be for each and every female within 42 miles of Tallahassee to take a Jiu Jitsu class. That way, if and when these ladies are eventually attacked by a Seminole football player they can defend themselves properly. Perhaps Ronda Rousey could be brought in for a special one day defense course held on Florida State’s campus. She could use Dalvin Cook as a sparring partner during the course, and if he survives the day without a dislocated elbow then he gets his suspension lifted immediately.