This week in nigga news…First off we have 50 Cent’s latest drama with his new ex-girlfriend Tatted Up Thotty… I mean Tatted Up Holly. After 50 dropped her like a bad a habit and posted an Instagram pic of the young lady calling her community pussy and accusing her of cheating on him with Trey Songs, J.R Smith and Jay Z, Ms. Holly posted a screen shot of a text thread between Mr. Jackson and herself claiming its evidence that he beat on her. And it only gets worse. After all of that ugliness ensued 50 Cent fans who accused her of spreading rumors about their god…err… idol decided to release an old sex tape that features Ms. Tatted Up Holly. God don’t like ugly…. But I guess the idol of thousands of fake internet thugs does.
In other news about bitches beefing with rappers in public… Last week Funkmaster Flex decided to go on an explosion filled tirade against Jay Z based on Jay Z sending him… not a slanderous letter… not a song calling him out… not his a box with his daughter’s thumb or a flaming bag of shit on his front door… but a text message in capital letters. Obviously that’s just one thing the Funkmaster will not tolerate. He warned your boy Hov that New York is his city and Jay Z responded by completely ignoring him. We all know Jay has bigger fish to fry. I mean he is in a bidding war against Dr. Dre over a new streaming service similar to Spotify and Pandora that has yet to hit the U.S. He also recently made a public statement commending New York Governor Andrew Cuomo’s criminal justice reform package that hopes to address the recent homicides of black men and the violations of basic human rights committed by New York City law enforcement. That’s just too grown for me.
In lighter news, and for people who even care… The rumors of a possible relationship between Meek Mill and Nicki Minaj continue to circulate. It all started a couple of weeks ago when she and her boyfriend, Safaree Samuels, broke-up after she allegedly cheated on him with Meek Mill. Then it was all the undeserved praise she gave him. Now she’s on Instagram wearing his chain. Awww. Meanwhile, nobody continues to care about Safaree Samuels’ new single,“High Nigga Shit.” And after cross examination, he’s finally admitting that he didn’t ghost write her rhymes. After that Breakfast Club interview where he hinted continuously at helping her (“it was me, Nicki and the beat”) it looks like homeboy was jockeying for some time to shine. Sorry Safaree looks like that shine was coming from a 10 watt light bulb.
Now onto Justin Beiber. I don’t know why we still pay attention to this little asshole or why he wasn’t deported back to Canada after he was arrested a couple years ago. I mean, thousands of people did sign the online petition (yeah I know online petitions are about as effective at getting things done as Funkmaster Flex is at ending Jay Z’s career) but still. We have the media reporting on his car stopping so that he can say hello to Larry King from the backseat. And we have reports of stupid little girls falling out of vehicles trying to chase him in poor attempts to emulate those timeless chase scenes from “Dukes of Hazard.” And then we have a video posted on Facebook of him apologizing for his behavior over the last year and a half. He admits to being phony saying that’s “he’s not who he was pretending to be” and “sometimes people act a certain way to cover up how they feel inside”. I really don’t think Justin’s shenanigans garner a video apology on Facebook. He’s a little shit who I’d love to see sent back up north, but he shouldn’t have to apologize for smoking weed, getting arrested and making bad music. But then again Justin has been hanging around a lot of rappers since he became an adult and what do most of today’s most popular rappers do? Yup you guessed it, smoke weed, get arrested and make bad music.
But, there’s more! Now it seems the Biebs is wanting to trade acting out stories with Courtney Love, who’s older than lil Justin’s mother. They are seeming to join forces to give the little one more edge and cred. Who better than the late Ms Kurt Cobain I guess.
Singer Kyle Norman of Jagged Edge was arrested for shoving an engagement ring down his fiancé’s throat. Ain’t no meeting her at the altar in a white dress now I’m sure. The victim reportedly had a huge welt on her head and claimed Norman said he’d kill her, punched her, choked her with a scarf and then tried to force the damn ring down her throat. Well what happened to “I got to be the one?” I guess you are the one, the one to take yo ass to jail.
And finally for or final piece of news, I’ll end it with a “rumor.” Every girl’s hero Beyoncé and her beau Jay Z were spotted on vacation in Cambodia and it looked like Beyoncé pregnant. Everyone knows that right? Well I have a bit of advice for Mr. and Mrs. Carter if they are indee expecting their second baby. Please get out of New York City for your own safety. That is Funkmaster Flex’s town and no matter how many government connections you make and tech companies you buy, he has explosion sound effects and he’s not afraid to play them while he talks about you. You don’t need that trouble.